


policeman's salary

by andtwisted



Series: basically trisha's in a coma and everything gets messed up [1]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Police, Edward Elric Is A Little Shit, Edward Elric Just Wants to be Friends, Edward Elric Swears, Enemies to Friends, Maes Hughes adopts Edward Elric, Multi, Parental Maes Hughes, Police Officer Maes Hughes, Police Officer Roy Mustang, Roy Mustang Does Not Understand, Roy Mustang Swears, Roy Mustang is Very Confused, preparation for a longer fic i might not actually write, the royed is only there at the VERY end when eds 19, while he's underage it's purely platonic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-30
Updated: 2020-05-29
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:55:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23919313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andtwisted/pseuds/andtwisted
Summary: The few times Ed visits Mustang's office, and one time he visits Mustang's home....[or, the one where Ed is a little shit and Roy reluctantly indulges his best friend's son]
Relationships: Alphonse Elric & Edward Elric, Edward Elric & Maes Hughes, Edward Elric & Roy Mustang, Implied Past Maes Hughes/Roy Mustang, Minor Edward Elric/Ling Yao, Minor Edward Elric/Roy Mustang - Relationship
Series: basically trisha's in a coma and everything gets messed up [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1724173
Comments: 17
Kudos: 137





	1. mustang's mustang

**Author's Note:**

> this is part of a series i'm really not to far with yet. if you like this au and would like to see certain things please let me know. that's about it. enjoy :)

Roy stared at the stack of papers in front of him, seeing them, but not _seeing_ them. Paperwork was a cruel and unusual form of torture created by Alexander Hamilton to pass his financial plan. Obviously, Jefferson was intimidated by the prospect of paperwork and agreed. That was the only possible and logical explanation as to why Roy had to have that shit cleared by Friday.

He was a master procrastinator, though, and if he needed to clear an entire stack the evening it was due, he'd do it. So, by that logic, there's no reason for him to work now if he could work more efficiently, later.

"Captain Mustang!" 

He perked up. A distraction! Hawkeye can't kill him if he's being actively distracted!

He followed the sound to spot Officer Maes Hughes heading toward his office, stopping to greet everyone in his precinct despite working in a completely different part of the city. Squinting, he caught sight of a blond head and a red jacket trailing behind him.

"Roooooy!" Maes sang, bursting into the office. The person behind him closed the door after entering. "I have a surprise for youuuu!"

"What, Maes, I'm busy," Roy sighed, despite his inner elation at having more reasons not to work.

The kid behind his friend snorted, stepping forward and crossing his arms. "Please." He jerked a gloved thumb toward the rest of his precinct. "They're all gossiping about how hard you're slacking."

Roy felt his left eyebrow rise, intrigued and irritated by this kid following Maes around.

The man in question positively beamed. "I adopted him!" he announced so loudly there really wasn't any need for the door to be closed.

The captain's hands went slack in front of him. " _This_ is the genius Elric kid?" he said in shock. The kid glared at him, and he decided to be petty. "He's shorter than I expected."

What he _did_ expect was the look of pure, unadulterated loathing that crossed over Elric's face. "Fuck did you say, bastard?" he growled. Roy glanced at Maes, who was still beaming despite the language. "I'll fucking shove my fist down your throat and use your vocal chords as a fucking straw."

"His fist is metal!" Maes chirped, undisturbed. He wrapped an arm around the kid, pulling him into his side. "Anyway, I need you to babysit him while I go to work and Gracia and Elicia are in the hospital."

"I can fuckin' babysit myself!"

"You heard him, Maes," Roy agreed. "No need to bother me."

Maes let out a deep guffaw. "I don't trust him!" he chuckled. Mellowing slightly, he continued, "He has this li'l boyf-"

Before he could finish, Elric had a hand over his mouth. "He's my best friend!" he exclaimed, face pink.

"What do you think he's going to do?" Roy inquired. "He's, like, eight? Have his balls even dropped, yet?"

The kid flushed again, this time in anger. "Are you stupid? Balls drop shortly after birth."

"Yeah, Roy. Don't be mean," Maes admonished, as if he'd known that little tidbit as well. "Just let him sit and read on your couch."

The kid shook his book at Roy mockingly. Roy felt the strong urge to strangle him, but he sighed. "Fine. How long."

"Our shifts end at the same time," Maes said, checking his phone. "Just drop him off at mine when you leave." He addressed Elric. "You have your key, right?"

The kid nodded, opening his book to reveal his key as the bookmark.

Maes was smiling again, but it was different. It was the soft, loving smile he imagined Elicia would grow up receiving. The one Gracia received in the comfort of their own home. The one their son now received, being taken in by this perfect family and loved as if he were their own. Roy would find it quite heartwarming if his best friend wasn't slowly inching out of his office.

"Maes..."

The man promptly bolted out of the office.

"Don't be a distraction," Roy warned as the blond reclined on his sofa. He held his book in front of his face with his right hand.

"Whatever, asshole. Wouldn't distract your slacking if I wanted to."

He frowned at the kid. Why, for the love of God, did Maes adopt an almost-teenager? Why did he adopt in the first place? What did he see in this vulgar kid that compelled him to take him in? Well, what did he see besides overwhelming intellect and potential?

"Stop staring," Elric snapped. Roy smirked at him. Shame would do him no good in such a circumstance. "Perverted old man," the kid mumbled.

He simply hummed in acknowledgement before deigning himself to actually completing his work. Loathe to admit, he felt his productivity increasing in the kid's presence. He wrote an entire report in one sitting with neither a deadline nor prompting. There must be Hawkeye in the air.

After signing his twenty-third (not that he was counting) document, he spared a glance at the Elric kid, fast asleep on the couch. His book lay closed on his chest, key bookmark firmly marking his place. Roy took the moment to observe the kid. His face was pressed into the back of the couch, giving the man a full view of his blond hair. It was quite long, pulled into a pathetic ponytail at the base of his neck. Strangely, he was dressed in all black, bar his obnoxious red coat. The coat itself bore a symbol reminiscent of a caduceus on the back. The coat itself was long and flowing, and Roy assumed it provided little warmth, but a lot of individuality.

Roy scoffed at the sight, but there was something about watching a kid sleep that melted his heart. Kids were vulnerable and young, and the fact that the Elric kid was sleeping in his office meant that Roy was being tasked with the temporary protection of his innocence. It softened him.

God, if this was what an almost-teenager did to him, he wouldn't survive a newborn Elicia Hughes.

By the time the end of his shift rolled around, Roy had taken care of about half his stack. That'd show Grumman. Hell, that'd show _Riza_.

The kid, however, was still sleeping, and Roy wanted nothing less than to be the face he sees upon waking.

Which was why he grabbed a nearby paperweight and chucked it at the Elric kid, hoping it didn't hit anywhere too sensitive.

Luckily, it plopped down on Elric's chest, just above his book, without too much force. Unluckily, the kid jerked awake and hauled the paperweight in his direction with such speed and precision that a red bruise quickly formed where it connected with Roy's forehead.

"Fuck!" he swore, unable to stop the expletive. That thing hurt like a _motherfucker_.

"Don't throw shit at me, asshole," the absolute demon of a child growled.

"Why the fuck did you throw it back?"

"Why the fuck did you throw it, period?"

"To wake you up!"

The kid looked ready to punch someone, and that someone was probably Roy. "Did you even bother callin' my name? Or shakin' me? You fuckin' idiot."

He had a point, of course, but Roy wouldn't admit on his deathbed. He stood, throwing his coat over his arm and grabbing his things.

"Whatever," he huffed, leaving the office. He heard the kid following him, one footstep landing harder than the other. "You slept for seven hours. Did you not get any sleep last night?"

"Couldn't," the kid grunted. "Doctor says it's 'cause of what happened the other day."

Roy had no idea what happened the other day, but he replied with a, "That so?" nonetheless. He had no plans to continue this line of questioning, as the bruise on his forehead was throbbing and he could sense an incoming pain induced headache. He imagined engaging in more conversation with the kid would only worsen the headache.

They finally reached his car - a tiny, red thing. The best he could afford on a policeman's salary, honestly.

He was unlocking it when he heard a choking sound from the kid. No, not choking - he was _laughing_. Peering through the window of Roy's car and _laughing_.

Roy lowered himself into the car hesitantly. The kid was letting out little giggles as he joined him in the car. Roy Mustang, captain of a police precinct at twenty-five, was thoroughly freaked out and one hundred percent sure he was going to be murdered by his best friend's son.

After a moment, the kid turned toward him, a humorous smile on his face. Smiling, he looked so much younger, so much more _innocent_.

(And so much less likely to commit homicide, he hoped.)

"You think you're funny, huh?"

"Whatever do you mean?" Roy inquired, because he really, _really_ didn't want to be murdered in his own car. At least, not this car. It was only a tiny, compact thing, with a steering wheel cover that-

_Oh._

" _Mustang_ ," the kid drawled, leaning forward to place a finger on the crest on his cover. "This is a fucking Nissan, you prick."

Roy scowled. The last people to make fun of his name and his cover were his team, but the teasing had abated months after he'd bought the thing, years ago. He'd thought it was over. He'd wanted it to be over.

Ed laughed again, noticing his sour expression. "Aw, hit a nerve, Mustang?"

"Whatever," Roy said for the second time, starting the car and beginning their drive home.


	2. disturbed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the one where ed Tries and roy is Confused

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'll probably edit this 5 times before i'm satisfied so pls bear with me. next chapter might be out in the next two days. enjoy!  
> also, the briggs doctor's name is just 'briggs doctor' so i gave her her (dub) voice actor's name, kathleen

Roy's next interactions with the kid were limited to every Hughes dinner or holiday. He ran with the adult crowd while the kid stuck to two brothers of the name Tringham, and as such, they really didn't run into each other all that much. Despite calling Roy's office every other day, Maes didn't talk about his son nearly as much as he did his wife or daughter. Roy had once heard Falman and Fuery speculating that it was due to the blond kid being adopted, but he'd learned that the kid simply didn't appreciate others drawing attention to him. The kid wanted to live under the radar with the Hugheses, without anyone asking to see or speak to him (aside from his friends).

Either way, Roy had heard and seen very little of the kid for ten short months.

"Captaaain!"

He followed Maes's sung exclamation to watch the man himself skip into his office, dragging his son behind him. Once the door closed, he wailed, "It's official, now! He really has a li'l boyfriend!"

Fierce claret eased itself into Elric's face - so vibrant that Roy was impressed, really - but he didn't dispute Maes' claim, only sighed, plopping down on the sofa as if he owned it. "We made it official a few months ago."

"But Edward, honey-" and that was the first time Roy had heard the kid's first name, go figure "-I know how much you don't like people knowing things about you, so I don't say anything unless you're with me."

The blush was back full force, as the kid spluttered. "It's fine! Don't hold yourself back because of me!"

"But-"

"Besides," came the interruption, "I already know Mustang. He 's an asshole, but it's fine for him."

"OMG!" The other two occupants of the room flinched at Maes' pitch. "Did you two bond?"

Roy expected the kid to refute the claim, yelling and throwing some profanity riddled insult before fuming. Instead - and maybe it was the hopeful look on his dad's face, maybe it was something else - the kid only sighed, muttering, "Somewhat," before opening that same, leather-bound book from before.

"Roy! Tell me everything that happened!" Maes screeched. "I need to tell Al about this!"

"You're gonna be late for work," Edward said offhandedly. "We can always talk at home. Mustang comes over every third Sunday, right?" Here, he made eye contact with Roy. "That's this Sunday."

Reluctantly, Maes relented, checking his phone before high-tailing it out of Roy's office.

"We bonded?" Roy let out airily, struggling to understand.

The kid stared at him for a long moment, golden eyes terribly reminiscent of Xerxes boring into his own, blue ones. Now that he'd noticed it, he realized Edward remarkably resembled a portrait of a Xerxian merchant Madame Christmas had managed to get her hands on. Golden eyes, golden hair, and golden skin denoting a life spent under the sun.

It was too much to be a genetic coincidence.

"I only said that to get him off my back," Edward finally said, looking down at his book. "Toss me a pen."

The captain blinked out of his musings. That was a line of questioning he'd pursue much, much later - preferably with his team and abusing police privileges with internet stalking. He tossed the kid a green pen. "Isn't that the same book you read before? Should you be writing in it?"

"None of your fuckin' business," Edward snapped, scribbling in the book furiously. "You can go back to slacking, now."

Roy was so, _so_ confused by the boy's sudden mood change, but he obediently returned to his paperwork. He was dead set on competing it, simply so he could prove the kid wrong and show his true colors as a diligent worker.

(It definitely wasn't to stop his mind to straying back to wondering about the dominance of Xerxian genes.)

Three hours later, Edward let out a groan of frustration, tossing his book on the floor in front of him.

"Please don't have a temper tantrum." Roy pleaded, eyeing the kid's demeanor. "I bought everything in here on a policeman's salary."

"Sorry, lemme interrupt my anger for your fuckin' sob story."

"Sarcasm does no one any good, Edward."

"It does me the good of passive-aggressively conveying my anger."

"Oh?"

"See," Ed began, "if we weren't having this little squabble, I'd be fantasizing about putting my big toe down your urethra or somethin' like that."

Roy shuddered. "Are you...okay?" The kid turned to toward him sharply. "Like, mentally? You seem disturbed, Edward. Perhaps I could refer you to my therapist? He's quite a-"

He was cut off by a bark of laughter. It was the second time Edward had laughed at him, and he'd liked neither circumstance.

The blond threw himself off the couch, stretching as he picked up his book. Setting it on Roy's desk, he asked, "Want some coffee?"

Roy blinked, very, very confused, again. He'd have to ask Maes if mood swings were common in young, angry, blond boys.

Edward paid no mind to his dilemma, however, rounding the desk and rifling through Roy's drawers.

"What are you doing?"

He went unanswered, of course.

"If you don't tell me how you like your coffee, I won't get you any," the kid grumbled instead, scraping together the stray coins he'd managed to find. Roy hadn't even known he'd _had_ any in there.

"Three packets of sugar," Roy said, though he phrased it more as a question.

Edward gave him a look. "You don't sound so sure, Mustang."

"Why are you getting me coffee?"

Instead of answering, Edward gave him a soft smile before leaving the office.

The kid had done a full one-eighty, and Roy had no idea how to feel about it.

After Edward returned with two coffees and a honey bun, things returned to normal. Somewhat. The kid read until he finished his coffee, after which he used the restroom, then laid down to sleep. Roy spent his time working, shocking his team so much that his lieutenant, Riza Hawkeye, checked in on him a few times.

By the time six o'clock rolled around, he was signing his last document, effectively finishing all of his work for the first time since he was a lieutenant. He was, once again, faced with the obstacle of waking the kid. He decided to take the kid's own advice and try calling his name.

Clearing his throat a bit, Roy said, "Edward," quite loudly and firmly. The kid rolled over, murmuring something in a language Roy didn't quite recognize. Although, it sounded vaguely Germanic.

"Edward, wake up," Roy tried again,

The kid didn't budge. Roy was already thumbing a paperweight when the kid slowly sat up, as if in a trance.

"Al, why's he here?" he mumbled before jerking violently, hands coming up to wipe his face. "Holy shit."

"Sleep well?" Roy questioned, smirking at the sight. So much blackmail material.

Edward turned in his direction so quickly Roy expected him to get whiplash.

"Breathe a word about any of this and I'll choke you with every one of your _stupid_ , black, patterned ties," he snarled.

"Oh, I'd never dream of it."

Once they were both our of the building and seated in Roy's car, he couldn't contain himself any longer.

"So, who's Al?"

He expected a flush to break out on the kid's face, indignantly explaining that he was dreaming about his boyfriend.

What he _got_ was a metal fist to the stomach and a demand to, "Just shut up and drive, Mustang."

"Give me a minute," Roy grunted, doubled over as much as he could manage against his steering wheel. Fully trained officer or not, a metal fist to the stomach fucking hurt.

"I warned you, pussy," Edward shrugged, placing his book and unopened honey bun on the ground in front of him.

Roy let out a groan. "Again, Dr. Marcoh is a very competent therapist."

"Please. Dr. Kathleen would be fuckin' pissed if I changed on her after all the work we did this past year."

The fact that the kid was an accomplished incarnation of the devil even after a year of therapy terrified Roy so much he couldn't form an answer and settled for driving the two home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so xerxes = somewhere in germany kinda. think holy roman empire except it's fall is maybe a century more recent.  
> anyway, if y'all are interested in where i'm taking this series pls let me know and even offer suggestions?? i want to write some oneshots about maes & ed bonding but i don't have many ideas.  
> that's about it  
> see y'all


	3. xoxo, gossip girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which ed has Allies and Tea and roy is Betrayed and Humiliated

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't have much to say for this chapter. just enjoy!

Roy had many more encounters with Ed - the kid's preferred name, he'd learned - over the next few months. Despite his original protests, Maes really didn't hold back when gushing about his kid. By the end of their first Ed-related phone call, Roy had discovered that the kid had a younger brother, a high school diploma, and a manipulative former foster father who was one of the primary reasons the kid was in therapy. Maes wouldn't give out details - and Roy definitely wouldn't pry - but had conveyed enough for Roy to understand that it had been urgent for Ed to get out of the situation.

Bearing this in mind, Roy had decided to try being more civil with the kid - for both of their sakes, really.

Therefore, when he'd arrived at the Hughes's for his third Sunday dinner, and Edward had answered the door, he had every intention of being polite.

"Edward," he had greeted, trying not to sound condescending.

"Mustang," Ed had returned. He'd looked up and down the hallway before closing in on him. Grabbing Roy's tie, he'd yanked the older man down, far too close for comfort, and had whispered, "I spat in your coffee."

Needless to say, all civility had promptly been thrown out the window. Edward Elric was a menace, and utterly insufferable demon of a child whose raison d'etre was to ruin Roy's life, and Roy must have been a serial killer in a past life to have deserved any of the interactions he'd had with the kid.

Sitting in his office, he was considering praying to any god he didn't believe in that he'd never meet the kid again. It had been a good six months since Edward had last graced his office with his presence, and Roy was terribly grateful for the sanity he'd been granted in the short amount of time. Roy was also terrible suspicious that six months was far too long, that a disturbance was soon coming, and he could do nothing to stop it.

Hit by a sudden bout of desperation, he was frantically clasping his hands together to pray when the door slammed open, hitting the wall with a thud so pronounced he knew it left a dent.

"Oh, you don't have a doorstop?" the perpetrator drawled mockingly, lowering a leg. Roy looked up into Ed's golden eyes with a great deal of internal pain and emotional turmoil. "Fixing a wall is bad for a policeman's salary, isn't it?"

Regaining himself, Roy smirked. "Maybe I'll keep it as a memory of you." The kid looked at him curiously. "Out of respect, you know? After Hughes finally takes my advice and hires an exorcist."

Ed scoffed, turning to inspect the dent once more. To himself, he mumbled, "Maybe if I do it enough, we can make a glory hole."

"'We'?" Roy repeated. "I don't think Lucy will be too keen on letting you back up here. I will, however, fulfill your wish, if it pleases you so."

The blond shrugged, strolling toward Roy's sofa and settling in one specific corner of it - the one farthest from Roy. As usual, he was clutching the worn, leather-bound book.

Instead of opening it, he tossed it on the floor, close enough to swoop down and pick it back up, if need be. Grinning wickedly, he said, "Let's gossip, Mustang."

And, gossip, they did. Roy was surprised Ed had never been to a public school, because he had everything on everyone and no qualms about sharing his information with Roy. The things he heard would've given the girls at Madame Christmas's a run for their money. Allegedly, Rebecca and Riza had gotten drunk the other night and had - here Ed made an obscene scissoring motion with his hands, followed by sticking his tongue between two fingers, both of which made Roy laugh and join the kid on the couch.

Roy mentioned the time he'd walked in on Falman and Fuery, with Falman's wife sitting at the side of the bed, videoing the scene, an expression as stoic as ever on her face.

Edward then shared his top secret, _no one else can know about this, Mustang_ , intel, concerning Officers Maria Ross and Denny Brosh, and the compromising position he'd walked in on them in, as well as the fact that Maria had a pride flag strap-on, and _she fucking knew how to use it, too, Mustang._

Two years with Maes Hughes, and Edward Elric had information on every cop in East City.

Their gossip, however, was culminated by Ed leaning in close to inquire, "You and Hughes used to fuck, right?"

And it was so far from being a question Roy could have even anticipated that he couldn't control the warmth that spread throughout his face. The kid smirked, smug.

"Who told you that?" he hissed, toying with the sofa's seams as if it would abate his alarm. No one, not even Riza nor Gracia, knew about what had been between the two in high school. Hell, he'd almost forgotten, with how long it'd been.

"Not telling," Ed sang, with a smug grin he'd probably learned from his father, the asshole. He slouched down on the sofa, feet digging into Roy's legs. "Now, get off so I can sleep."

Roy let out a noise of disgust, but dutifully rose off the couch and returned to his surprisingly low stack of paperwork.

"Get me coffee before waking me up. No milk."

"Creamer?"

"No."

"Black?"

"No."

"Then how the fuck do you want it?" Roy exclaimed, frustrated.

Ed smirked, somewhat sleepily, and he knew he'd been had before the boy even opened his mouth.

"Do not answer that," Roy warned. "I don't appreciate dirty jokes made by fourteen year olds, fuck you very much."

"I don't appreciate senile old men who think using more hair gel will de-age them - it won't."

Within seconds, and before Roy could protest that his hair was thick and required a lot of gel, Edward was fast asleep and had irritatingly gotten the last word. Roy considered whether the cons of strangling him in his sleep were worth the pros, then decided it was better if he didn't. Murder was too much work and he didn't want to have Hawkeye cover it up for him. Might as well let the kid live, complete his work, and evade the wrath of Hawkeye while he still could.

Roy strolled into his office with two coffees, one containing considerably more mass in sugar than the other, but no one could judge him for that, because coffee was bitter, and how else was he supposed to counteract the taste, if not with sugar?

Surprisingly, Ed was already awake, sitting up and typing furiously on his phone, a serious - if not, grim - expression on his face, and even Roy could recognize that it would be wise to leave the kid alone until he was finished.

So, naturally, he didn't.

"Hey, demon, I got your coffee," Roy said, holding out the cup with significantly less sugar.

He went ignored, the kid too absorbed in whatever conversation was happening on his phone. Roy huffed, setting the coffees down on his desk before conducting what was quite possibly the stupidest thing he'd ever done.

He sat down on the couch and put an arm around Ed, resting his chin on his shoulder and peering down to read whatever was on the screen. He caught a glimpse of an 'I love you' before a metal fist once again connected with his stomach.

Edward had practically vaulted off the sofa.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" he yelled, shoving his phone deep in a pocket.

Roy smirked, despite being doubled over. He knew he was doomed to die at the hands of the devil, either way. Might as well not delay the inevitable.

"Who was it that you said 'I love you' to, Edward?" he asked. "You seemed to be having an intense conversation, there."

The kid's face shone red like a Christmas light, mouth opening and closing, but no words escaping. Roy counted this as a win.

At least, until the kid snatched Roy's keys from his desk and stormed out of the office.

And Roy did _not_ screech, no matter what his team said.

He gave chase with a speed typically reserved for the field, tackling the kid just before the precinct doors. The two grappled for a while before Roy realized there was no way in hell he was going to be able to pry a set of keys from a metal hand without breaking it.

"Give me my fucking keys, demon," he demanded, firm hand on the kid's back, holding him down.

"Equivalent exchange," the bane of Roy's existence declared, glaring back at him.

_"What?"_

"You can't receive something without giving something of equal value."

"They're my car keys."

Ed didn't budge, and his hand sure as hell wouldn't either.

"What do you want?" Roy sighed, defeated.

If hindsight hadn't warned him he was making a bad decision, the wicked grin that spread over Ed's face definitely did.

"You'll owe me."

"They're my fucking keys!"

"You know...I could probably bend these with my hand and a lot of force."

"Fine!"

Ed's grip slackened, and Roy snatched the keys up before he could be manipulated into another favor.

"Fucking brat," he hissed before lifting himself off the boy.

As he stood he heard scattered, but no less enthusiastic, clapping.

Of course.

_His team._

The idiots of his team - namely, Havoc, Breda, Fuery, and Falman - praised the kid, while Hawkeye offered him a small, satisfied smirk that completely demolished Roy's faith in the loyalty of humanity. So quick were they to side with his enemy that Roy understood why Old Major was so adamant about his hatred of man in that book he'd had to read in high school. His own friends, his family, had turned on him for an angry fourteen year old.

Absorbed in his grief as he was, he stomped off to his car - keys firmly clasped in hand - without bothering to retrieve his coffee nor his phone, and he'd only realized it once he'd heard the kid attempting to pry open the passenger's seat door with his foot, his arms and hands occupied with a precariously balanced pile of two coffees, a book, and a wallet.

"You forgot your shit," Ed huffed once he'd finally gotten the door open.

Roy snatched up his wallet and phone. "I'm not owing you another favor."

"Whatever." The kid slid the coffees into the cup holders between the armrest and console. "Just shut up and drive."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -next chapter we got al, ling, and mei  
> -and the pride flag strap on is absolutely a reference to the first few minutes of sense8  
> -also, editing this is hella hard bc i've conditioned myself to ignore typos when texting and it carries over into my writing sometimes  
> -also also, the book Roy mentioned at the end is Animal Farm by George Orwell, and the part with Old Major happens in chapter 1 (in case anyone was interested)


	4. alphonse, the relationship whisperer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ed cashes in the favor, and Roy has Insight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so i fell into the mcu netflix hole i apologize. but at least now i have fratt story ideas?? anyway enjoy.

"I'm cashing in that favor."

Roy exhaled, willing himself to the patience one required when attempting to handle Edward Elric.

The kid himself kicked the door open (still trying for that glory hole) and stomped up to Roy's desk. He'd visited near the end of Roy's shift, for once, which probably that Roy was going to have to spend his precious time after hours with the kid.

He suppressed the overwhelming urge to scream.

"What is it?" he questioned, salvaging the last of his composure. "Need blood for a ritual? I've heard my blood's universal."

"I need you to buy me two meals from that Xingese restaurant across town," the kid demanded.

Roy blinked. "You mean Xiao Mei?"

"Yes."

"On a policeman's salary?"

Ed seemed to be getting more irritated by the minute. "You can afford it, Mustang."

He _could_ afford it, but that didn't mean he wanted to buy it.

"May I inquire as to-?"

"No."

Roy sighed, before standing from his desk. It wasn't as if he'd been working, anyway. As annoyed as he was to indulge a fourteen year old, he was curious as to where it would lead him, and why his father couldn't do it himself.

On their way to Roy's car, Ed said, "Give me your phone."

Roy was, of course, overcome with suspicion, and clenched his fingers around his phone even harder. The kid rolled his eyes.

"I just wanna give you my number, asshole."

The captain eyed him for a moment before handing it over, giving Ed time to type in his information while Roy unlocked the car. Once they were seated, the kid simply handed his phone back. No rifling through his gallery. No placing random calls. He did what he said he would do, then handed it back.

Roy was terribly concerned.

"Demon?" he questioned. "Edward? Is that you?"

The glare he received gave him the impression that he was slowly angering the boy even more. Naturally, he kept doing it.

"Blink twice if you're in danger, Demon. I swear to hug Maes when I tell him I had you exorcised."

"I swear to use your universal blood as lube if you don't fucking drive," the possibly possessed Edward hissed.

"That doesn't sound very sanitary," Roy remarked, but he obediently started the car and began driving to Dublith.

After five minutes of tense silence and anxious tapping on his phone, Ed snapped. "Where's your phone?"

"What are you going to play?"

"You'll see. Now, please pass the aux before I kill you out of boredom."

"Just because you said please. Glove compartment."

Thirty seconds later, Roy severely regretted every decision that had led him to that moment, having loud ass rock music fill his car. Music wasn't even the right word - it was simply the singer talking about how shitty his life was with a beat playing in the background.

_And I take my time, but it just doesn't work out the way I want it to_

_It's like I concentrate on it real hard_

_But it just doesn't work out_

_And everything I do and everything I try_

Roy wanted to provide some criticism, voice his thoughts about what Ed was making him listen to, but he couldn't bring himself to say anything, because music was music, and music was an insight into the soul, and Roy had periled his life to understand what went on inside that kid's head.

_So you're gonna be institutionalized_

_You'll come out brainwashed with bloodshot eyes_

_You won't have any say_

_They'll brainwash you until you see their way_

His eyes were on the road, but he could feel Ed staring at him, gauging any reaction to the choice in music.

"I won't say anything," Roy told him, earning a scoff. He heaved a sigh. "Look, we should at least try to get along. For Maes' sake."

"You know as well as I do that he gets a kick out of us," Ed said, crossing his arms. "Besides, you're the one who doesn't try to understand how I talk to people."

Roy clenched his jaw, biting back the rebuttal that he'd been ' _trying to understand you since we met, Edward_ -' because it would only frustrate both of them further.

He'd admit, he did tease and goad the kid, but it was all in good fun and well reciprocated.

But it was different, he supposed, from the easy way Ed interacted with Havoc or Breda. Insults were traded, of course, but there was a grudging friendship there, and he could tell the kid cared about the two, as well as the rest of Roy's team.

So why were they different?

"Edward," he started.

"Shut the fuck up," Ed sighed without any real heat. He seemed resigned to people's misjudgment of him and Roy hated that he'd augmented it.

He gave up, and the two were silent until they arrived at Xiao Mei.

"Do you know what you want?" he inquired as they entered.

"Yeah," came the reply, but Ed's face held a slight grimace, as if it pained him to enter the restaurant, but he'd had an obligation to do it. It seemed close to closing time, the only occupants having just finished their food and preparing to leave. Roy spared them a polite smile.

"Edward Elric!" the woman - no, the _girl_ at the counter screeched, frown etched into her face. "Where is Alphonse?"

God, she was even shorter than Ed. She could see over the counter, sure, but Roy could tell that she was standing on something to reach.

How did such a renowned restaurant let someone so young work there?

"Beansprout," Ed acknowledged, leaning on the counter. "I'm getting him food. Maria and Denny were called into work today."

"THEY LEFT ALPHONSE BY HIMSELF?"

"I'M SAYIN'!"

A voice from the back called, "Is that Ed shouting?"

"COME SEE FOR YOURSELF, YAO!" the beansprout girl screeched again, and Roy's ears terribly suffered the pitch.

"I'm not here on a fuckin' social visit, Ling!" Ed exclaimed, crossing his arms. His face betrayed him, though, as he had a lightness in his eyes that Roy hadn't seen before.

A young man with a ponytail emerged from the back, a wide grin breaking out on his face at the sight of Ed, and - wasn't that a riot? Someone being _happy_ to see the kid.

Without warning, the man threw himself on top of the blond, puckering up his lips and trying to kiss Ed, despite the boy pushing him away with a poorly contained laugh.

Wait.

Ed was fourteen, and this man had to have been at least eighteen.

There was a serious problem there.

The black haired man stopped trying to assault Ed to peer at Roy curiously.

"Who are you?" he asked, brows furrowed. His hands curled around Ed's waist protectively. "Why are you following my boyfriend around?"

_Huh._

"Between me and Lan Fan, they won't find your body, so you might as well back off, now," the man continued.

Roy offered him a strained smile.

"Relax, asshole," Ed huffed, pushing the man away. "That's the Mustang bitch I told you about."

 _He had_ talked _about him?_

Immediately, a hand was retracted from Ed's waist and extended to Roy. The man looked sheepish. "Sorry about that. I'm Ling Yao! That's May Chang."

"Whatever, just get me my fuckin' food," Ed grumbled. He spared Roy a glance. "They probably already have my food ready, so if you want something, order now."

Roy quickly made his selection, and there was a very short wait time during which Ling Yao dragged Ed through a mysterious door to do something that Roy, as an officer, probably should have stopped.

But he was off duty, and that meant illegal actions stayed illegal if it kept him from overworking or incurring the violent wrath of Edward Elric.

A minute or two later, Ed was dragged out of the room by a smiling Ling. The man looked no different than before, but Ed had a fierce blush across his cheeks.

"Edward, please don't pass out," Roy said, causing the other occupants of the room, including May, who'd just arrived with the food, to look at him. "It's far too much paperwork."

Ling winked. "Don't worry, he'll wake up if you-"

He was, fortunately, cut off by a flesh fist to the stomach. Ed's face was even redder, if possible. He left his boyfriend doubled over in pain to grab the bags from May.

"Let's go, Mustang," he said, kicking Ling as he passed. "Next stop's at Maria Ross's place."

Last he remembered, Maria Ross lived down the street from that Xiao Mei location. As they got back in his car, he wondered why they were going to her place to deliver food to this Alphonse person he kept hearing about.

"He's fourteen," Ed told him suddenly, looking out the window instead of at Roy.

"Who?"

"Ling. He looks older than he is."

"Oh." _Thank God._

"And..." the kid began, then faltered. "We, uh, were just talking back there."

"What about?" What kind of talking could make the kid so red?

He expected to be told it was none of his business (with an added expletive) and the conversation be over, but Ed's response of, "You," only increased his questions exponentially.

They arrived in less than five minutes, pulling up in front of a small townhouse.

"Come inside," Ed ordered, grabbing both of their bags as he cracked open the car door. "Al and I will eat your food if you don't."

"I should be getting home," Roy tried. The kid glared. "You don't have any plans tonight. You have a later shift tomorrow. _Come inside_."

"Stalking is a very unattractive quality."

"And yet, I'm in a relationship and you're not."

"And yet, I have money and you don't."

"And yet I have a face befitting my age, and you don't."

"And yet I have a height be-"

It was a metal foot this time, and Roy was more impressed that - from his position outside the car and how short his legs were - Ed was able to reach than anything.

Ed glared at him from outside the car, standing in front of the door, so Roy couldn't close it and drive off.

"I have things to do-"

Ed held up Roy's wallet, a wicked smirk on his face. "Want this back?"

"Edward."

He didn't budge.

Painstakingly, Roy killed the engine, rising out the car. He fixed Ed with a sharp glare that did nothing to abate his smug grin.

The kid led him to the front door, pressing the button on the security alarm to state that it was the person on the other end's ' _lovely brother who loves you more than anything._ '

Alphonse was the younger brother. _Okay._ Roy may be well out of his depth. He could barely handle the older Elric - there was no way in _hell_ he'd be able to handle both at once.

When his brother announced that he was on his way, Ed turned to Roy. "You pull any shit on my brother and I'll strangle you with that ugly ass belt."

He felt himself touch his belt self-consciously. "You insult me. I'd never do anything to harm a child." The unimpressed look he received was astronomical. "You are not a child, you are a demonic entity occupying the body of a child."

Before Ed could retort, they heard the lock click. He waited a few seconds before opening it, revealing a young boy in a wheelchair, beaming brightly at the sight of his older brother.

"Brother!" the boy exclaimed, extending his arms.

"Al!" Ed returned, shoving the bags at Roy, who scrambled to catch them, and rushed forward to hug his brother.

Roy took the time to compare the two. Alphonse Elric had blond hair as well, but a shade darker than Ed's - more honey blond as opposed to his brother's golden. They had the same nose and similar jaws - the younger brother's tapered more dramatically, set into a broader face. It was obvious that they each took after different parents, and Roy wondered who took after whom.

"Are you Roy Mustang?" Al questioned, looking up at Roy.

He smiled politely, stepping forward to extend a hand. "Captain Roy Mustang, pleased to meet you, Mr..."

The boy took his hand with a kind smile. "Alphonse Elric, but just call me Al," he responded. "Has Brother not said anything about me?"

Roy didn't miss the look of guilt that crossed Ed's face.

"Not much, I'm afraid."

"I've heard a lot about you," Al chirped, leading Roy to the dining room. "All good things, don't worry."

He found that very hard to believe. Ed was probably lying to his brother so he seemed to have more friends than he did.

As Al spoke, Ed stayed in the foyer to set his jackets on the coat rack.

"Thank you for bringing my brother here," Al continued. "And for the food. And for putting up with him. He can be stubborn sometimes."

Ed emerged, silently fuming, and Roy knew Al would be receiving a fist to the stomach if he wasn't his brother. Al knew it too, since he smirked.

A moment later, it occurred to Roy that it was his first time seeing the kid without his two jackets or white gloves on. The black tank top he wore displayed his prosthetic arm perfectly, including the surgery scar just below his shoulder. Roy tried not to stare, scared of what the results would be if he were caught doing so.

"He thinks violence is the answer to everything," Al huffed, grabbing his box from the bags Roy had set on the table. "And he has severe communication issues. Not to mention, abandonment issues."

"Alphonse!"

"But you have to ignore his threats and break through to him." Al offered him a secretive smile, and he had no idea how to interpret it. "Brother says you're an indecisive idiot, which means you're not doing the right thing to break through to him."

" _Al._ "

He ignored his brother's whine. "Buy him food again. Don't shy away when he starts going for personal attacks, it just means he wants to get to know you personally and that he considers that fact interesting enough to remember."

Roy was definitely cataloging all of the information he'd just acquired for every conversation he'd have with the kid thereafter.

"Don't ask about our parents or the orphanage, though," Al warned. "He'll tell you on his own time, when he's ready."

"I'm _ready_ ," Ed interrupted. "To fuckin' eat."

Al huffed. "No one's stopping you, Brother."

Ed glared halfheartedly. "You were spilling trade secrets to icky, floral cologne wearing Mustang!"

Al giggled mockingly. "Smells that nice, huh?" He gave Roy a look, like ' _this is exactly what I meant_.'

Ed's face regained the redness from Xiao Mei. Roy smirked.

"I didn't know you paid such close attention. If you want, you can borrow some."

"I'd rather choke on a screw."

"Hopefully, there won't be any screws in your food, Brother," Al snorted, digging into his stir fry.

Ed stabbed his noodles moodily, annoyed with the conversation and his company. Roy smiled and dug into his own food, glad Ed had forced him to come inside.

As soon as their meal was finished, Al began yawning. Ed rolled his eyes, but accompanied his brother to bed nonetheless. The only one remaining in the dining room, Roy was left to ponder over the night's events and the information he received from Al.

Ed had talked about him. So much that Al had a good impression of how their interactions usually went. If his brother wasn't mistaken, Ed wanted to know more about him, despite his earlier protests against the two of them getting along. Or was that just a front?

Fourteen year olds were messy, and Roy hated trying to decipher them. He needed some more intel, some sort of insight-

"When Al got out of the hospital..."

Roy jumped, head whipping around to stare at the kid, who was sitting on the third to last stair.

"He needed a caretaker," Ed continued, looking down. "Maria and Denny were qualified, and had gotten to him far before Maes got to me, and..." He glanced at Roy. "The two of us were split up. We're not twins or anything, but we've always had this connection - it's always pained us to be apart for too long. I visit him anytime I can, but he's - tired all the time, y'know? It's a lot of work to regain motor skills, and Al's been trying to do it as quickly as possible, like I did when-" He cut himself off. "He's trying to move too fast, and the idiot's gonna get himself hurt."

"Are you scared he'll get hurt or scared that things are going to change?"

Roy hadn't realized he'd said it, but the words were out before he could filter them, and he knew they were the wrong ones even before he saw Ed's rheumy eyes.

_Shit._

"That-" The kid stopped to swallow. "You're a fucking dick, Mustang."

Roy didn't say any more, consumed by his _utter lack of tact and sensitivity, holy shit_. The kid didn't say any more, either, content to lean his head back and stare at the ceiling.

They left half an hour later, car as silent as the house they'd left behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -roy's a dummie and ed can't handle the truth or change  
> -the song is Institutionalized by Suicidal Tendencies (yes i was watching iron man when i wrote this)  
> -i only have a few paragraphs typed out for chapter six but i'm gonna work on it tonight and hopefully have the rest of this story out by....before the end of the month?


	5. settle for less

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which roy is Uncomfortable and ed Quotes Poetry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> like the next chapter, i've written and rewritten this chapter a few times, trying to get a More Than Satisfactory result. this was super rushed but i am happy with the way it turned out compared to some unmentionable drafts.  
> enjoy!

Once Ed had hit fifteen, he'd changed from a literal terror and the bane of Roy's existence to a regular teenager with 'a lot going on.' The absence of random visits to Roy's office was jarring, and Roy found he almost missed being insulted by anyone other than Hawkeye.

Of course, Maes informed him of every detail of his kids' lives, and Roy soon found out what exactly was going on with the kid. Ed was now able to emancipate himself. Ed now worked his ass off at some crummy fast food restaurant. Ed was planning to move out as soon as possible. Ed wanted to attend a university abroad with his brother. Ed was probably leaving in the next month, or so, and neither Maes nor Gracia were able to stop him.

This was, apparently, something he needed to do for himself and his brother, and the Hugheses accepted that and supported his wishes.

So, when the door slammed open, Roy expected Ed to be in and out - make the obligatory 'sorry I made your life hell' speech, then high tail it out of Roy's office to relax with his brother on the coasts of Creta.

Instead, the kid plopped down on the sofa, scribbling in his leather bound book with the green pen he'd stolen from Roy's office a few years ago. The end bore so many bite marks it was a wonder it still worked.

"Edward," Roy said after a few minutes of tense silence. "May I treat you to lunch? Think of it as a thank-you-for-going-away present."

Ed gave him an inscrutable look. He slammed his book shut, squashing the pen between the pages. "Where are we going?"

"Xiao Mei?"

"Sure."

The ride was fairly uneventful, with Ed spending the time staring at that goddamn book intensely, as if it held every answer to every question ever asked. For all he knew, it did.

"May I ask something personal?"

A side glance. "No."

"What's with the book?"

Ed glared, then huffed. He flipped to a page of the book. "Page 23, poem 20, stanza three," he droned. " _Knees buckling, I left/ My vulnerability behind/ Me, who no longer walked blind_."

"Poetry?" Roy questioned.

"The asshole wrote a book about us, but it's all in fucking code, and it's taken me three years to decipher the first half," the kid muttered.

Roy didn't know who the asshole was, but he had a feeling that Ed's random openness wouldn't extend to his asking, so he kept his mouth shut as they got out of the car.

"Why are you deciphering it?" he finally asked at they approached the counter. Neither Ling nor Mei were there, but an old man with greying hair that Ed addressed as 'Gramps' took their orders.

They continued their conversation as they looked for a table.

"Short version? Last thing Mom asked me to do before she went into a coma."

Roy froze. Ed's mom was _alive_? It explained a lot, sure, such as why the kid let 'Dad' slip when addressing Maes, but refused to refer to Gracia as anything other than her given name. But - he'd always been under the impression that Ed was well and truly an orphan. Maybe Roy was trying to project onto the kid, make him more tolerable.

He realized that, despite everything Maes told him about Ed in day-to-day life, he really didn't know much about the kid's personal life.

Ed kept walking, trying to brush off the huge ass bombshell he'd just dropped. He sat down at a table by the window.

"Apparently, the bastard was always writing, and she'd always wanted to know what was in it," the kid continued.

Roy sat across from him. "You're still deciphering it for when she wakes up?"

"If she wakes up," Ed corrected. He adopted an obnoxious falsetto. " _You need to recognize the possibility of her not waking up, Edward_."

Roy chuckled. 'Gramps' had arrived with their food and drinks.

"Here's to know-it-all therapists?" he proposed, lifting his boba and tilting it in Ed's direction. The kid scoffed, but clinked their tea together.

"You're fucking weird, Mustang," Ed remarked. "Isn't this where you ask uncomfortable questions?"

"I recall receiving bodily harm as a result of those questions," Roy replied. Instead of wincing, or squirming, or showing any sign of remorse, the kid smirked, as if proud.

"Then this time I'll ask one," Ed said.

"I am an open book."

"You only come over once a month or on holidays," Ed began.

Roy suddenly remembered that he was not, in fact, an open book, and the kid had picked the one topic uncomfortable for him to talk about. "I don't think that's-"

"Is it really because every time you look at us, you're reminded of what you don't have?"

Roy cleared his throat. "I think we should take our food back to the office."

"You're deflecting."

"What did we just say about therapists?"

"What did you just say about being an open book?" The kid's brows furrowed. "Maes will never say it, but it upsets him that you're heading in different directions in life."

Roy took his time chewing on a piece of chicken before answering. "We were always on different roads. They've just finally started diverging."

" _Two roads diverged in a yellow wood_ ," Ed sighed.

"Robert Frost?"

Ed nodded, patting his book. "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em." He twirled his fork in his plate for a moment. "Al and I are kinda like that, too. He and May are going to get married and retire to the suburbs with their three kids, but I'm not cut out for settling down."

Roy glanced at the counter, trying to ask-without-asking about Ling.

Ed took notice. "Ling and I are complicated for confidential reasons. Xingese national secrets and all that."

As per usual, Ed raised far more questions than he answered.

Roy let out a little, "Huh," but let the conversation end there, because he wanted no part in sharing national secrets and becoming a target for politicians wanting to cover their tracks. He'd watched enough government Netflix shows to know when knowledge became dangerous, thank you very much.

The two continued eating in silence. Possibly their first civil interaction lasting longer than an hour had occurred just before Ed was leaving, go figure. Roy couldn't bring himself to be bitter over it, however, because it only seemed fitting that their story of hostility and misunderstandings ended there, and that the next times they'd see each other would be in passing at the Hughes Christmas Dinner.

Later, when Roy was stopped on the curb, dropping Ed off at the Hugheses, Ed hesitated before leaving. He rubbed the surface of his book almost lovingly.

"There was this shitty poem about stars," Ed said. "But it had one decent stanza. _A miserable existence/ to sit and wait for something/ no one was sure/ would even arrive._ " He smiled back at Roy. "Bye, Mustang."

Roy drove home alone, thinking back on that paperweight he'd thrown, the chewed up green pen, the keys Ed had stolen, and the music he'd been forced to listen to.

For people like them, who were on the lonely path, who would live out a miserable existence, who would spend their lives waiting, it only made sense.

They weren't made for happy endings, but they could settle for less.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poem quoted: The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost. everything else is my original work annnd i don't post my poems but i'm going to start posting them on instagram and if you're interested i'll drop the @  
> the 'are you reminded of what you don't have' is inspired/taken from that episode of girl meets world where shawn visits for christmas  
> i broke my theme of putting the title in every chapter i'm sorry :((  
> it's two a.m. and i finally finished this chapter and i apologize for any typos i missed


	6. young and beautiful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which roy is Drunk and Bitter and ed is Back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the end !!  
> roy is not that nice in this but it’s mostly because he’s drunk  
> also tw for some drunk but very consensual sex  
> title name from Young and Beautiful by Lana del Rey. idk i just think it fits roy’s vibe

It happened at a bar.

Roy should’ve known - things always happened at bars. Hell, he’d read reports on things that had happened at bars more times than he could recall. So, really, it was his fault.

But he was dreadfully exhausted, and - really - he needed time off to relax and get drunk, and he figured that his foster mother’s brothel was as good a place as any.

His team was seated in the booth alongside him. Hawkeye was on his left, against the wall, Havoc on his other side, and Fuery, Falman, and Breda took the other side of the booth.

His team had been loyal, and - despite his various promotions - had stayed with him throughout most of his police career. He didn’t know how they did it, and he thought that, with time, he’d eventually lose one or all of them. He’d thought they’d get tired of his ambitious nature and tendency to slack off, but if anything, it only made them stick closer to him.

He would be forever grateful to them.

Except in that moment, when Vato Falman, bane of Roy’s existence, decided to mention that _no, Roy hasn’t been in any serious relationships lately_. To which Kain Fuery replied _we should find another hot blond for him to date._

Roy was, of course, already fuming, but the last straw was when Heymans Breda added, _if they’ll last_.

“I seem to have a pre-existing appointment to leave certain assholes I call my friends,” he said, pushing Havoc out of the way. “My only way back is if I happen to be more outwardly insulted than just now.”

Hawkeye raised a slim eyebrow at him. “Don’t hurt your ego coming back, sir.”

Instead of verbally responding, Roy - like a mature adult - showed the woman the beauty of his right middle finger before sliding over Havoc and out of the booth, making his way to the bar to make polite conversation with his mother.

His mother, Madame Christmas, the kindest, most beautiful woman he’s had the pleasure of acquainting himself with. The absolute angel of a woman who raised Roy into the impeccable man he had become.

“Roy, are you being a pussy, again?”

His lovely mother.

“My coworkers were offending me, Madame,” Roy said, slipping onto a barstool. He didn’t struggle, the stool was just uneven. “My therapist says it’s my right to leave relationships that make me feel bad about myself.”

“What was it this time? Your nonexistent relationship status?”

His wince spoke volumes.

Madame Christmas downright guffawed at him.

“If you’re going to laugh at me, Madame, you could at least get me something to make it easier to bear.”

The woman chuckled, but reached for a mysterious bottle behind her. She was emptying its contents into a glass when he felt movement to his right.

“The size of your ego means that nothing short of death would make it easier to bear, Mustang.”

“Listen-“

Roy cut himself off.

Standing to his right was a star. God, not a star, the fucking sun. A star by definition, yes, but so overwhelming that it renders special recognition. Such was the person smirking up at him, blond hair pulled back into a sleek ponytail, but bangs still - always - in his face.

“How goes it, Mustang?” Edward fucking Elric questioned, resting his cheek on an arm propped up on the bar. “It’s been a fuckin’ while.”

Roy swallowed. “Edward...”

“Yes?”

“Edward.”

“That’s my name.”

Madame Christmas huffed, sliding Roy something pungent and pink. “I think you broke him, sweetheart. Thank you.”

“My specialty, Ma’am.”

It was too much for Roy. Ed suddenly appearing out of fucking nowhere, Ed being four years older, Ed not having been stuck in the past like Roy had-

Ed leaned forward to sniff at the drink, then peered up at Roy curiously.

“You gonna say somethin’?” he asked, leaning back to hop onto a stool much more gracefully than Roy had.

Roy emptied his glass in two hard swallows, needing the alcohol in his system.

“Anything about being thirty in your book?” he inquired, because he’d only been thirty for two years now, and he felt himself hitting that stagnation and he couldn’t - he didn’t want to-

He didn’t want to grow _old._

“Yeah,” Ed grunted. His eyes drifted upwards as he recalled the words. “ _Limbo is wine and three close friends/ and a partner, if you’re a lucky bastard/ but you so rarely are._ ”

Roy stared down into his drink, then back at his team. More than three, so he wasn’t there, right? “I refuse to believe that wasn’t a personal attack.”

“There’s more,” Ed said. Roy’s glass had been refilled. “ _Limbo is looking forward to Sundays/ sitting with an old friend/ you rarely see because he got married/ and you didn’t-_ “ Roy stiffened “ _-and his kid is all you want and more/ and so beautiful you cry._ ”

“Fuck you,” Roy snarled, without really meaning to, but he wasn’t liable to anything said while waiting on a third glass.

Instead of matching his anger, Ed snorted. “Sure you wanna do that?”

Madame slid him a shot this time, thank God. He threw it back without hesitation.

“What was that bit about the kid?” Roy asked, rubbing the glass. “Everything I want? Beautiful?”

“What about it?” Ed had jumped down from the stool, trying to create physical, as well as emotional, distance.

”Yeah,” Roy scoffed. This was definitely the alcohol talking, but Roy couldn’t say he wouldn’t want it sober. “I’m sure.”

Ed took a step back, silent for a minute before growling, “What the hell?”

“Edward, I think...” He put some money on the bar. “I think I should leave.”

Ed’s hand clenched on the surface of the bar. “Can you drive?”

“Yes.”

The younger man (not kid, Roy reminded himself) raised a brow at him, not unlike the other blond in his life. Irony.

”I’ll take you home,” Ed said.

“Can _you_ drive?”

” _Yes_ , asshole.”

In the dim parking lot lights, Edward Elric turning around to reverse out of the parking space was the most beautiful thing Roy had seen, and that familiar prickle of guilt ate at him for lusting after his best friend’s son.

Ed dragged him inside, an arm around Roy’s waist keeping him upright. After fumbling to unlock the door, Ed dropped Roy down on a loveseat.

“I’ll get you some water.”

“No- don’t,” Roy croaked. Sobriety was creeping up on him. He needed alcohol, not water. Not until after-

Ed clenched his jaw, before relenting. He stepped closer to Roy, stopping a few inches short of the couch. Roy looked up at him.

“What did you mean, earlier? You said - I’m-“

“Ed,” Roy said, tired. “We can talk in the morning, but for now, can we just-?”

“I’m not going to - if you’re not serious, then...” He laughed, bitterly. “You’re not even sober.”

“I can’t do this sober. You’re too much for me sober.”

Ed bit his lip, arms curling around himself self-consciously.

Roy reached out to grab one of the arms, not having no specific intention, but content with his accidental yanking of the blond. He made to apologize, but as soon as his lips parted, they were kissing, and Ed slipped down onto his lap, seeming to have wanted this as much as Roy had.

It was desperate and borne out of pent up emotions, and if Roy were sober he’d have never allowed any part of it to happen.

But Ed was riding him so hard he’d need a new couch and maybe that was okay, because Ed would help him choose a new one, and Ed would probably nap on it as he did all those years ago, when things were simple.

Roy’s guilt had no place in the face of his pleasure, and he was content to hold onto Ed’s waist and feel until Ed collapsed onto his chest, both panting just as hard as each other.

Roy, considerably less inebriated, but nonetheless drunk, mumbled, “My fucking couch.”

“I’ll replace it. A policeman’s salary couldn’t compare to mine.”

“And what do you do?”

“As of two days from now, I teach biochemistry at U of C.”

“You’re staying?”

“Yeah, Mustang. I’m staying.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that’s a wrap!! thank y’all for reading and liking this fic, it means a lot to me and helps my emotional well-being during this pandemic y’know?  
> -U of C is University of Central because i thought Central University sounded weird (and u of c is a play on u of h)  
> -there’s this one shot i’m trying to write and it’s basically about when roy realized he had developed feelings so look out for that?  
> -i don’t think i’ll mention this ever, but ed was so difficult as a kid bc he had a crush and was trying to impress roy (my crush and i have a dynamic a bit like roy and ed’s)  
> -that’s it!! love y’all, stay safe, and always fact check


End file.
